Sunday, April 12, 2015

Understanding our heroes and ourselves...

An uncomfortable aspect of brain injury, for others, is our disability in "locking into" thoughts. For one brief moment we think we see a bright moment of glorious truth and we hold onto that moment for all we can. However, that moment is just that - a moment. That glorious truth does not encapsulate the entirety of the situation/person.

In my case, as an example, a friend of mine was worried that I locked into "hero worship" mode with him. I took some worthwhile gestures on his part during my recovery and expressed much gratitude for them. Perhaps over expressed them, from his mindset. And, in fairness, he could be right. Throughout this process I've not always made the best choices or expressed myself in ways that I am proud of nor in ways that does the best justice to the situation. But hero worship?

It is, or was, possible as our decision making process has been interfered with. For a brief moment, or not so brief, our attachment to life and society was interrupted. Surviving that moment has changed us in ways not understood and not always for the betterment of us. The people during our recovery are complex individuals with history. Likes, dislikes, proud moments and not so proud moments. When we meet these people we are not looking at them from a similarly complex mindset. We are, or can be, looking at them from a toddlers mindset.

"If you've ever tried reasoning with a 2-year-old, you know the meaning of futility. Toddlers are wondrously curious and beguiling. They're also irrational, self-centered, and convinced of their own omnipotence. But you can't blame them -- that's just the way their brains are wired. Still in an early stage of cognitive development, toddlers think in fundamentally different ways from older children and adults."

So, in the early stages of my cognitive re-development I developed an idea that bothered a friend with the weary burden upon his shoulders. In an attempt to fix that, I've taken this morning to try to understand and explain what happened. I can only hope that I've scratched the surface of the subject enough as the only way for someone else to truly understand is for them to experience brain injury themselves.

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