Sunday, October 4, 2015

Misunderstandings and Misbehavings

One thing misunderstood about my accident is that a 44 year old man was instantly reduced, mentally, to infancy. I had to relearn how to swallow (from life support), had to relearn how to feed myself (just by hand), had to relearn how to walk (while wearing depends), and had to relearn how to go to the bathroom (BY MYSELF!!!!). Now during my recovery I have been regrowing up.

Self assessed but I think I've grown up 4 years every 6 months. I am now about the age I was (mentally) when I was a Sgt serving under fire. If this rate continues, I'll be my correct age in about 2 and a half years. I really hope the accelerated mental aging stops then as I don't want to be 90 years old in a few years. I'll miss the landscape that travel would bring me if I do it normally. But this might explain some very embarrassing moments I've caused and experienced.

Here I was a mentally 8 year old adult driving back and forth. Here I am a mentally 12 year old interacting with very grown men and trying to be involved. Here I was a mentally 16 year old boy striving to do well with a project being rudely dissed by a grown woman in my church. Now I know, dealing with annoyances is annoying but that is not the point. The point really is why were you annoyed in the first place?

People have far too often leaned on my brain injury as their excuse for their own bad behavior or day. Instead of exploring the true question: Why were they annoyed to start with, they misplace their hostility my direction like poor parents. After all, I have no defense. I can't properly speak under stress and no one really listens to me any more. Even those who have sworn that they'd be there for me are the most guilty of misunderstanding and misbehaving.

To find a place that will help me properly grow up I've had to develop my relationship with other people who get it. Many of them are brain injured (un-diagnosed) and the others deal well with their brain injured fellows. They understand I only speak when I have to say something and the other noises that sometimes come out my mouth are mental farts that blurt out. They still accept me for my prior services instead of weighing what I can do for them now or what burden I present to them now. (Which might explain why I got fired from the Krempels Brain Injury Support Center!)

But all in all I refuse to demit from life. I will be engaged, I will be involved, if that is uncomfortable for you or you make me feel uncomfortable in that process.... we will, we MUST, go our separate ways.

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